Friday, September 11, 2009

InStyle Weddings, out of my budget

I've been house/teen-sitting for the past couple days, so I picked up the latest issue of InStyle Weddings at the grocery store yesterday to keep myself entertained in the evening in case I couldn't get the wireless network to cooperate with my laptop, which happens a lot. As it happened the internet and my computer made friends, but I flipped through the magazine before I went to sleep.

About two-thirds of the way through I reached one of the cover stories on the "ultimate 6-month plan" for wedding-day beauty. While it is a thorough plan, it doesn't sound like something anyone I know has either the time or the money for. Allow me to break it down for you:

6 months before
  • Scout for hair and makeup folks; book. [So far, so good]
  • If you have skin concerns, make an appointment with a dermatologist. Unless your doctor tells you otherwise, implement the following skincare regimen: wash face 2x a day; slough 2x a week with a fruit-enzyme exfoliant; use brightening serum (?) and sunscreen daily; apply hydrating cream every night. [A little involved... but seems mostly reasonable.]
  • Schedule a series of facials, every four to six weeks starting six months before the wedding; experiment with different kinds to see what works best for your skin. [Um, what? Am I made of money?]
  • See a brow specialist. [Done and done.]
  • Care for your hair. [I mostly do this, except for the weekly moisturizing treatment. Perhaps I will explore.]
  • Don't cut your hair if you want it long. [Doy.]
  • Consult a colorist and make changes now. [Doesn't apply to me, but, again, doy.]
  • Fight "fuzz" with four to six laser hair-removal treatments between now and the wedding. Start zapping now, they say! [WHAT? No.]

3 months before
  • Do a hair trial. [Schon klar.]
  • Decide what you want your makeup to look like. [Yep.]
  • Refresh your complexion. "If you're not using skin medications or having laser work done, try a light acid peel in addition to your facials." Do this once a month. [Does this sound scary to anyone else? I think I'll stick to moisturizing.]
  • Book weekly manicures/pedicures. [I tend to stick to a (bi)monthly pedicure/never manicure schedule, though I admit I have wondered if I should get a few manicures leading up to the wedding, since the skin around my nails get a little ragged after a once-in-a-blue-moon manicure. But weekly? A) I'm not made of money, as previously discussed, and B) I'm not retired or a housewife. Not happening.]

1 month before
  • Get a body facial; alternatively, have a friend rub a mask on your back once a week. [Body facial? Is that an oxymoron? Also, what if I don't have my own beauty attendants?]
  • Have your teeth professionally bleached. [Or just buy some Whitestrips. Or don't.]
  • Get spray-tanned; maintain with self-tanning lotion. [Or don't.]
  • Drop a couple hundred dollars on a straightening treatment if you're going sleek. [Or don't.]
  • Get your hair trimmed about three weeks before the wedding. [Sounds good to me.]

The 1-week-before and day-of lists are, refreshingly, pretty normal, so I'll spare you those details. They only say "aesthetician" once, and it otherwise involves things like getting your teeth cleaned at the dentist and making sure you hydrate. Frankly, though, I don't know who could afford to check off even half the items on this list, or who has the time for all those appointments. This is a prime example of the so-called wedding industrial complex. (I'd like to think I'm avoiding the worst parts of it, but it's hard to escape...) Clearly the beauty industry and magazines are attempting to brainwash us into thinking we need their services! Whatever. I only wash my face once a day. I do what I want!

1 comment:

  1. I remember first reading about a beauty regimen for your wedding day - that started a year in advance! So I trotted off to a dermie and my salon so that I could start prepping myself... now that its about a month before the wedding my skin is the same and my hair is definitely longer and healthier, but thats about it. Who really has the money for things like weekly mani/pedis?!