Wednesday, November 4, 2009

hilariously bad wedding decor tips...

Today's tidbits on wedding decor are brought to you by The Standard, a publication of Bridals By Lori in Atlanta. The inside pages are dated 2008, but some of this could be leftover from a few decades prior. Let's have a look-see, shall we?

Page 11, wedding planning timeline... 6-to-9-months-before... Select balloonist? Whaaa? OK, I know balloons are all the rage for engagement shoots and I just saw a blog with a cute picture of bridesmaids carrying balloons (I mean, yes, clearly cheaper than flowers), but as the main decoration for an entire wedding reception? Apparently, yes.
"The artistry of balloons can encompass such fantasies as a 6-foot bride and groom, arches, dance floor canopy and colorful balloon drops. Scheduling the balloon drop after the first dance or at the end of the reception will provide either a festive kick-off or a grand finale.

If the bride really wants her reception to start (or end) with a bang, use exploding balloons. A large balloon (usually between 3 and 8 feet in diameter) decorated with ribbons and bows is stuffed with dozens of smaller balloons and confetti and suspended above the dance floor. At the appropriate time, the band leader or disc jockey activates a control and the balloon explodes, releasing its contents.

Available in just about any color combination and design of patterns, balloons are fast becoming the number one choice in decorating options."
Really? Balloon brides and DJ-controlled explosives are number one? No way was this written in the past decade. Also, I think I'll stick to flowers.

In case you aren't yet convinced that we're in throwback territory, this magazine/planner also includes a brief section on ice sculptures. Don't get me wrong, ice sculptures can be cool (as can balloons, correctly employed), but the way this thing describes them is pretty hilarious:
"For an eye-catching way to add exquisite beauty to any wedding reception, consider an ice sculpture. The sculpture can serve as a centerpiece on the buffet table or dessert table. It can be functional, as food can be served out of it. If placed at the head table and illuminated by candlelight, guests will be overwhelmed. Ice sculptures are indeed crowd pleasers.

The most popular sculptures include bride and groom, a heart, and dove or swan centerpiece. Personalized sculptures are also popular. Some examples are a fighter plane for an air force lieutenant, an automobile for a car dealer or a tractor for a farmer."
I suppose there have indeed been tractor-shaped groom's cakes in the past, but for some reason a tractor rendered in ice just seems weird. Maybe it's the notion that a salt-of-the-earth farmer type would celebrate with an ice sculpture in the first place, I don't know.

The best part of this whole section is the grammatical snafu in the first paragraph: "If placed at the head table and illuminated by candlelight, guests will be overwhelmed." Yep.


  1. Why not kill two birds with one stone and just have an ice luge station for shots? This could be like the heaven and hell themed parties that were all the rage in college. BEST. WEDDING. EVER. ;)

  2. Only if it was arranged with a 6-foot balloon bride as a bartender...