Monday, June 7, 2010

What does 'married' feel like?

Since returning from the honeymoon, I've been asked on multiple occasions, "How does it feel to be married?" My response is the same as it was to the question "How are you feeling?" on our wedding day: pretty normal.

Is that weird? I've been telling myself that it isn't, that feeling normal is a good sign, and that it demonstrates that I have no questions about the promises we made to each other and no anxieties that Jon and I aren't right for one another. I was pretty pleased with my level of calm throughout the wedding weekend, but now I sort of wonder: should I be feeling differently? Or is that creeping doubt just societal/pop-cultural/WIC expectations rearing their collective ugly head?

I haven't spent too much time worrying about it at this point. Jon and I have discussed how we both feel fairly normal post-wedding, and that married feels about the same as engaged did, at least for the moment. After all, we've been living together since last July, so that big life change is already behind us. What is weird is the fact that it's June now, and that May 2010, that month that we so eagerly anticipated, has come and gone. Whaaa?

We've tested the waters referring to each other as "husband" or "wife" (or actually "husband buddy" or "wife buddy" amongst ourselves, because we find that amusing) and that isn't too odd. We ran into a guy I sing with at a community dinner in our neighborhood on Friday and he pointed to Jon, who was a little ways ahead of us in line, asking, "Hubs?" I had to get him to repeat it, but I got it the second time around (hubs = husband, DOY) and confirmed. Jon and I went to a work-related event last night and I introduced him to several colleagues as my husband. Writing that sentence was definitely weirder than saying it last night was! Readily self-identifying as a wife may take a little more adjusting to -- I'm someone's wife? Again, whaaa? I don't feel old enough for that!

One thing that I think will solidify the feeling married part is settling into a new name, or committing to one. Since nothing is official yet on the name-changing front (no marriage certificate yet, etc.), I have been carrying on mostly as Kathleen Poe, but I'll tack on a Ross here and there as I see fit. I'm thinking I might change my email signature and/or get a new gmail address incorporating the new family name to get things rolling. It still feels weird, but I will eventually become comfortable with being Kathleen Poe Ross (or maybe Kathleen Ross? Meh.), especially once that's all over my driver's license and credit cards and pay stubs. I'm working on it, at any rate.

Those of you who have gotten hitched... did you feel very different after the big day? What changed? Or was it very similar to pre-wedding life, only with more jewelry to keep track of?


  1. I am not married yet but I imagine it will be not very different for us. I always say that the wedding is just a formality and that in our hearts we are already married and have been for quite a while. We already own a house together and have lived together for a long time. I can not really see much changing ...

    PS I hope you had the most amazing time at your honeymoon and congrats again!

  2. I'm not married yet, and we have lived together for a couple of years, but I think it will change a little bit. We're planning to look into buying a place as soon as the wedding is over, so I'm looking forward to making our own little home :)