Friday, December 24, 2010

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

I mentioned in my post about our wedding video the other day how well our siblings did in crafting and delivering their toasts. In keeping with tradition, the best man went first and the maid of honor went second. Jon's witty younger brother is out in L.A. trying to make it as a television/comedy writer, so my sister, a very clever but less occupationally humorous lawyer, was a little nervous to follow him.

As it turned out (and as I had assured her), she had no need to worry. She worked up a hilarious, smart toast that was as sweet as it was unexpected. It was structured as a riff on The Night Before Christmas, which we would all read together on Christmas Eve as children. As it is presently the night before Christmas, and since I was just bragging on my sister, I wanted to share it with y'all. (She gave me her copy to keep after she was done.)

First, a few disclaimers: 1) there are a few inside jokes that might not translate; 2) my cat is not a devil cat, he's the sweetest kitty ever; and 3) that mix tape/CD was actually pretty good. The only real dud was a Britney Spears tune I included as a joke. Alright! With all that said, I give you my sister's brilliant wedding toast:

'Twas the eve of her wedding, and in the Poe house
Kathleen sat and reflected on her future spouse.
She thought of his writing, his saxomaphone,
But OH, he watches LOST, she thought with a groan.

It was just a few years prior at the school known as 'Cuse
That our hero, JR, had been first introduced.
But before we raise a glass to this magical pairing,
A brief history of my Seester with you I'll be sharing.

Kathleen was called munchkin, and right from the start
With a sweet, impish grin she stole everyone's heart.
She played sports, she took dance, but where she truly excelled
Was in music; when she sang all were under her spell.

Where on earth did this amazing talent come from?!?
She even sounds good if you just hear her hum!
Some said it was genetics -- have you heard our dad sing?
Some said it was hard work -- but if you ask her siblings

It was in the car that this young songbird was trained:
Road trips with her sister, their brother's ears pained.
"No more Indigo Girls!" he cried, "No more Andrew Lloyd Webber!
No more 'Cats'! No more 'Rent'! No more singing whatsoever!"

Two angels in the front seat, one grump in the back gawking.
He tried everything -- even NyQuil -- to escape from their squawking.
But the music played on, the singing persisted.
"You must join our program!" Northwestern insisted.

From performing to teaching to writing reviews,
First Chicago, then Atlanta, and at long last, Syracuse.
There she met a young man with dark curly hair.
He said, "I'm from Moscow, Idaho." She said, "You're from WHERE?"

The two were fast friends, and soon after started dating.
She came home for the holidays and found her sister anticipating
A report on the young man who had captured her heart.
"Oh Emily," she said, "I have gotten off to a rough start.

"I made him a mix tape to accompany his adventures
But some of the selections I perhaps should have censored.
You know how there are things that just we think are funny?
Like beauty pageants, Three Amigos, and that bear fountain in Germany?

"This is one of those times, I feel kind of absurd.
In the middle of this mix I put 'The Lonely Goatherd.'"
"The song from Sound of Music with the yodeling puppets?" I said,
"Yeah, tough call. But don't get down in the dumps, at least not just yet.

"Could be this guy Jon has a great sense of humor.
And if he can handle your devil cat, as I hear is the rumor
And likes music and books and loves the Braves in baseball,
A few classic movies and showtunes is all

That you really might need to know you've found a winner."
And now here were all are, having just eaten dinner,
To toast, and dance, and party 'til dawn
To celebrate the wedding we all knew was on

From the moment that Jon loved that awful mix tape.
Foretold so wisely by her most elegant and charming sister Emily (the Great).
This happy young couple whose path has now led
Them up to the altar, has the brightest of futures ahead.

So cheers to our hosts -- Daddy, Llama -- for throwing this party,
Cheers to Susan and Steve for raising a hearty
Young man we have all come to love and adore.
His kindness and humor have won everyone o'er.

Cheers to our young couple -- we know your love is true;
And finally, from me: Seester, Jon, AH NUB NOO!


I mean, really. How ridiculous is that? Emily and Matthew set an absurdly high standard for wedding toasts that I'm not sure either Jon or I will ever live up to.

Speaking of me and Jon, we're off to Idaho around lunchtime tomorrow after we do Christmas things with my family -- I'll drop a post or two from the snowy Palouse, so stay tuned. In the meantime, Happy Christmas to all!


  1. Beautiful! And I got some of the pop culture jokes. Also: I have friends from Moscow! But I'm assuming that it's a big enough town that they probably don't know each other. MERRY CHRISTMAS!

  2. props to your sister...what a funny and entertaining toast!

  3. That toast is beyond incredible-it's a work of art! Talk about setting the bar!

    Hope you guys had an absolutely wonderful Christmas, and a Happy New Year!

  4. This toast is AMAZING. Your seester did so well! I was smiling through reading the whole thing. What a clever one.